


With you, I fly

by Lookatthestars98



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Cutting, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicide Attempt, cuz fluff, first hetalia fanfic, fluff though too, gerita blink and youll miss it, gillbird, i needed an appropriate amount of sad, it ends well i purromise, kumajaro, prucan, saaaaad, taiwan blink and you'll miss her
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-04
Updated: 2014-12-28
Packaged: 2018-02-03 11:04:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 18,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1742465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lookatthestars98/pseuds/Lookatthestars98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matthew is depressed. He has absolutely nobody, he is alone. That is, until Gilbert comes along and rocks his world. All of a sudden he has somebody who is there for him, and cares for him. Includes France fluff, England and America feeling like assholes, flour incidents, etc</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I am alone.  
Unloved, unwanted, utterly unforgettable. No one speaks to me, knows my name. No one cares.  


I'm at a world meeting, and it's chaos as usual. I watch it quietly, unnoticed in the midst.  
"At least no one sat on me today," I murmured. Russia had sat on me on several previous occasions, something I had found scarring at best.  
"Who are you?" The polar bear in my arms, Kuma, asked. I sighed.  
"I'm Canada," I said sadly. Distracted as I was by that "conversation", I wasn't able to hide from Cuba as he approached. I slouched in my seat, trying to be invisible.  
"AMERICA!!"  


_Shit. No such luck._  


"I'm not America," I said, but was ignored.  
"I think it's time you and me had a 'chat'," he said menacingly, lifting me up by my shirt collar. 

~an hour later~

"Ow," I winced, limping out of the alley I had bee dragged in. Slowly I trudged to the hotel where I had been staying. I walked alone for a while, until I was knocked to the ground by someone.  
"Mon dieu, I'm sorry, are you okay...?" He apologized and helped me up. It was Papa Francis! Maybe he would recognize me!  
"Honhonhon, you are a cutie! What is your name ma belle?" he leered at me, and I took a step back, hopes dashed.  
"Bonjour Papa, my name is Matthew." I answered.  
"Mattieu! A French name, parfait,"  
"I'm also your son, Canada," I told him, and his eyes widened.  
"Ah, of course! Mattieu, how are you my-" he gushed, but I could tell he didn't mean it, he didn't remember, so I pushed past him.  
"I've got to go," I said, not looking back.  


_Stupid, stupid, stupid. I'm such an idiot for thinking he would remember me. He left me. He doesn't care for me anymore, he got tired of me, so he went away. Just like everyone will._  


Once I got to the hotel I went into the bathroom to wash my face. Normally I avoided my reflection, but today I scrutinized it. Dull eyes a faded blue-violet color. Cracked glasses. Pale, hollow face.  


_No wonder nobody cares. I mean, look at yourself. Who could ever care for someone like you? Who would ever want to stay? Who are you to even exist-_  


**CRASH**  


I looked at my clenched fist, dripping with blood, and then at the mirror, smashed and cracked. Slowly I cleaned my hand, wincing at the pain.  
And yet  
I felt some release. This sharp throbbing in my hand lessened this dull, ever-present ache in my chest. It was a sick kind of relief that left me breathless.  
When I got back home, I hunted for a razor. That night I took it into the shower with me. 

_England, "Who?"_  
Cut.  
 _Japan, "Who?"_  
Cut.  
 _America, "Who?"_  
Cut.  
 _France, "Who?"_  
Cut. 

The water ran red, and I watched it, numb. When I got out, I bandaged the wounds carefully.  
I was disgusted with myself. This was stupid, attention seeking, and sad. But I couldn't stop. Every morning I told myself I would stop, I would get help, but every evening I headed straight for the shower and the razor to deal with the day's worth of agony. Because that's what my life had become. Various stages of agony. Even hockey didn't get me excited anymore, which worried me. I knew I couldn't do this for forever, but I couldn't find the strength to save myself some pain and end my miserable existence.  


For almost six months I lived like that, I stopped going out other than for work and necessities, I got drunk on the weekends and desperately tried not to cut. But of course, I did so anyways. I stopped going to world meetings. However, it became time for a world meeting in my home, Canada, and everything changed...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy frick i didn't realize this was so short!!!  
> don't worry there's moray in the most recent chapters  
> i've been posting it to dA but i remembered i have an account here but there's not much hetalia here so i figured id post it!  
> enjoy!!!  
> i love comments, critiques, favorites, and you!


	2. Chapter 2

"Mein gott, it's so fucking cold," I said to myself as I trudged through snow in a flimsy coat and shoes that weren't waterproof. Typical luck, to be pushed into a snowbank by some asshole and get soaked to the skin.

 _I'm so glad I didn't bring Gillbird. Stupid West, why'd he have to get sick and not reserve a place to stay? This is so not awesome. Where the hell did this Canada guy live anyways? It was really weird how no one seemed to know him..._

Finally I found the place and banged on the door loudly. After a couple of minutes, the door was opened, and a guy peeked out at me. He was thin, an obvious fact despite his oversized hoodie, he had dark circles under his eyes-which happened to be large, gorgeous, and violet. He wore glasses and had blond hair with one curl sticking out. He looked tired, worn down, and just empty. Despite all that, he was fucking gorgeous. 

"Hello?" He asked softly in a scratchy, unused voice. 

"Hallo, I am ze awesome Prussia! Um, sadly, I have no place to stay so I wondered if you would mind me staying the night with you?" I asked, holding out my hand to shake. He hesitated, then took it. 

"I'm Canada. You can stay here," he said, letting me in. I shivered, and he looked at me, concerned. 

_Wow he's cute. Ugh don't think like that Prussia. Awesome thoughts, awesome thoughts_

"Why don't you come with me and change into some dry clothes? I'll make hot cocoa," Canada offered shyly and I nodded gratefully. 

"Ja, that sounds awesome," I said, following him upstairs to receive clothes. I ended up in a hockey jersey and sweatpants that looked like they'd be huge on him. Luckily they fit me perfect, and I ended up cuddled up on his couch watching a rerun of the office with a mug of hot chocolate. I took a sip and my eyes widened. 

"Holy shit this is AWESOME!" I exclaimed, looking at Canada sitting next to me. "What did you do to this??" 

"Maple," was all he said. I nodded, and sipped my cocoa thoughtfully. Canada looked as if he was having some tough times. Well, no, scratch that. He looked like shit. He looked as though he was in hell, slowly wasting away. 

"Canada, are you...okay?" I asked him hesitantly. He looked over at me, wide violet eyes startled. 

"Yeah, I'm fine," he replied quickly, then got up. "I'm going to go to bed, and I can show you where your room is." I followed him upstairs and just before setting down for the night, I poked my head out of the door. 

"Gute nacht Canada," 

~~~(pov change)~~~ 

"Bonne nuit Prussia," I said, so soft he couldn't hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is uber short too!!


	3. Chapter 3

Back when my awesomeness was a country, I was very strong, militarily speaking. Some of that training remained, which is why I was awoken by Canada's nightmare.

"No, please," He whimpered.  


 _Was that...?_

I slowly got up and opened my door quietly, and leaned against his door to listen. 

"No, don't go!" I heard him cry and I opened the door. 

_I'll just check on him, poke him to wake him up-_

But when I saw him there, curled into a ball and tears flowing down his face, so fragile and vulnerable and sweet. I knew I had to comfort him. I crept over to his bed, sat down, and gathered him in my arms.  
"Papa, don't go, don't leave me," he murmured.  
"Shh," I said, stroking his hair. "I'm here, you're not alone." I found his hand and clutched it tightly.  
"Papa France, don't go," Canada said before quieting down.  


 _France? Someone was getting a talking to tomorrow, the asshole._

Slowly I felt my eyelids droop, and I fell asleep holding him close. 

When I awoke sunlight was filtering through the windows and Canada was curled up on my chest. I stroked his hair and just looked at him. 

_He's so...pretty. And so peaceful. At least in this moment._

He shifted on me, and I froze. However he just stretched and then was still. Something red caught my eye and I looked closer. It was a bandage on his arm, white gauze taped in place. 

_I wonder what happened-_

I stiffened. 

_Is that...?_

It was. Scars that could only be from self harm littered his arms, some old and some very fresh. My heart wrenched as I realized how much pain he was in. It was then that I made up my mind. 

_I'm not leaving until he's better. I'll be there for him, take care of him especially since no one else- France._

A wave of fury rolled through me as I remembered. 

_This is his fault. A dad's job is to take care of their kid, not ABANDON them. How could he even..._

Rage washed over me, rendering me incoherent. And then I knew what I needed to do. I glanced at the clock and nodded. 

Just enough time. 

~~~(pov change)~~~ 

I awoke to a sunny day and a strange feeling of loss. I laid in bed for a while, debating even getting out of bed. 

_Is he still here? Probably not. Why would he stay? He doesn't give a shit about me, he just needed a place to spend the night. But now he's gone._

But then I saw concerned crimson eyes looking into mine, and his voice asking softly, 

_"Canada, are you...okay?"_

I shook the image of my mind. I couldn't seem to quell the dread rising up in me, the dread to gt up and face a cold, empty, dead house. Prussia had filled that hole, the hole I had forgot even existed. But now it haunted my mind, filled my chest with a longing I couldn't quash. I was suffocating, I couldn't breathe through the need for someone, for him. Abruptly, I got up and looked out the window. It was a typical Canadian day; crisp and sunny. 

_Today is the day. Today will be my last._

~~~(pov change)~~~ 

"Hey Francis!" I called to him, interrupting his hitting on Greece. 

"Oui?" He asked, then saw me and smiled, walking over to where I stood. "Bonjour, Gilbert, to what do I owe this-" He was interrupted by my fist connecting with his face. 

"Hey! What was that for?!" He said, shock turning to anger as he wiped the blood from his nose. 

"That was for your son!" I spat out the last word at him and he flinched. 

"I don't have a son...?" he half said, half asked. I took a step forward, shoving him back. 

"Yes, you FUCKING do! He's got soft, light blonde hair with a curl sticking out, he's got glasses and big violet eyes, he likes maple, and he's kinda small." Francis's eyes widened at the last word but I was too pissed to notice. I lifted him up by his shirt collar, seeing red. "Oh, and did I mention? His arms are covered with SCARS!!!!" I threw him down on the ground at the last word. 

"Petit..." I heard him say softly, and I paused. "Mon petit...Goddammit, why can't I remember?!?" He sounded frustrated to the point of anguish and I felt a surge of pity. 

"Maple...Mon petit mattieu??!!!?" Francis exclaimed, standing up, and then his face fell. "Oh Mattieu, my poor sweet boy. What have I done to you?!?" he cried out in anguish, falling to his knees and putting his head in his hands. I thought I caught a glimpse of a tear, but I had to be mistaken. Francis had never cried, not once, since I had known him. 

~~~(pov change)~~~ 

I got up to get ready. I planned on doing it earlyish, in case Prussia came back. I didn't want anyone to stop me from being free, from escaping this misery and pain that was my life. Unfortunately, I couldn't find one sharp object throughout the entire house. Only the butter knives were untouched. I was too impatient to try and figure out how or why. I just wanted my freedom, desperately. I didn't want to suffer more. IN my quest for sharp objects, I saw a coil of rope. 

_Perfect. How poetic that Prussia, the man who took my breath away, has given me the courage to take my own away. Permanently._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so it's gonna get more sad before it gets happy, sorry!  
> the next chapter is gonna be waaaay sad, just warning you!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING  
> there's attempted suicide in this chapter

A chill raced down my spine. Something was wrong. I had to go see Canada, so I turned and took off. 

_Good thing Canada's place isn't far from here...  
Good thing I'm still in awesome shape._

My feet thundered on the pavement as thoughts swirled through my head. 

_Worrying is so not awesome._

His house was now in sight. My instincts screamed that there was something wrong there. 

_Please_

I was at the front of the house now, breathing heavy. 

_Be_

I ran up the stairs, two at a time. 

_Okay_

I flung open the door and burst inside. My sense of dread grew stronger. 

"Canada? Where are you??" I called, frantically looking around. And then, so soft I barely noticed it, his voice. 

"Adieu." 

I whirled around, and there he was. I only absorbed fragments of the scene and pieced them together later. A noose around his neck. A tear dripping from his cheek. His glasses off. His hands shaking. While my brain absorbed, my body acted. As he jumped from the top of the stairs, I leapt up to meet him, a shout torn from my lips. We crashed in midair and landed on a stair close to the top. The rope was still loose, and I thanked god that I made it in time. Quickly I removed the rope from his neck and held him close. Once frozen in shock, he came alive in my arms and sobbed. 

"Why?" He asked me tearfully. "Why?" 

"You're too important to lose. Too good, too special. This world needs you, and so do I." 

"You don't even know me!" He yelled, shaking his head violently. 

"Ja, and I'd like to change that," I said, rubbing circles in his back. 

"You say that now," Canada started, and his voice became-clearer as his crying slowed, "but you'll leave eventually. You'll forget I ever exhausted and I'll be alone again." 

I shook my head.  
"I would never." 

"Everyone does!!! That's what they do!!" He yelled, and I pulled back, startled. I didn't know he could yell. Seeing the doubt in my eyes, he yanked up his sleeves. 

"This is from America asking 'Who?' A week ago. This is from Japan 2 months ago. This is from France yesterday." 

He got up and marched to his room, where he got out a stack of notebooks. He opened it up and handed it to me. 

"This is every time someone has forgotten, left, or not noticed me." I flipped through it, saw the pages filled with small tally marks. I dropped it on the ground and pulled him in my arms. 

"I. Will. Never. Leave." I told him. 

"They always do," he replied sadly. 

"Never." 

"Always." 

"Nie." 

"Tujours." 

"Nie!" 

Canada opened his mouth to say something but paused. Slowly be reached up to wipe a tear from my cheek. 

_Crying? So not awesome Gilbert, get it together._

"A tear? For me? I don't deserve it. I'm not worth feeling sorrow or pain for." He said softly. 

"You are worth all the pain in the world, Birdie, and I would cry until my tears run dry and shoulder all the pain I possibly could if it meant you would stay with me." I replied solemnly. He trembled in my arms. 

"Okay." He said, giving in and relaxing against me. 

"Thank you," I told him, meeting his eyes directly. He just nodded and looked away. 

_What now? I obviously won't be going anywhere without him for a while. And this is rapidly becoming awkward._

_Quick! Do something awesome, Gil!_

"Are you hungry? I asked him and he nodded shyly. 

"Let me make you something awesome!" I said, pulling him down the stairs. I sat him down on the couch. 

"Just leave it all to me. I've got this!" I said confidently as I rolled up my sleeves to get to work.


	5. Chapter 5

_What is going on? What just happened?_

My head was still reeling. Prussia had stopped me from dying, promised to never leave me. 

_This must be a dream_

I shrugged. 

_Might as well enjoy it while I can. I can forget about the future for a while, pretend that he's here forever just for a little bit. I will enjoy the fact there's a gorgeous man in my kitchen cooking breakfast._

Wait...Handsome? 

Oh, maple. 

"Hey, um, is there a store nearby where I can pick up some food? Your fridge is a wasteland, and the awesome me needs ingredients in order to make you an awesome breakfast."I nodded and gave him directions. 

_He's leaving already. Breakfast was just an excuse. He doesn't care, he can't wait to-_

"Hey, you comin' Birdie? Grocery shopping is way more awesome with friends! Especially friends as awesome as me! Kesesesesese~" He turned and put a hand on my shoulder. I realized I was shaking and tried to control it, stop it. 

_Get it together Matthew. Get it together._

"I'm not leaving you," he said, crimson eyes meeting violet ones. I nodded, stuffed my feet in some shoes and grabbed my keys. 

"Aw no, I'm driving," Prussia said, plucking the keys from my hand. I frowned but didn't protest. I should've. Prussia drove like a maniac. 

"P-prussia, slow d-down," I protested weakly as he floored the gas. 

"You know Prussia is much too formal for friends. My name is Gilbert! My good friends call me Gil! You, my good friend, can call me Gil," he said, winking and grinning at me in what I was starting to recognize as his trademark grin. It was mischievous, confident, and playful. Not to mention sexy. 

_Get ahold of yourself, don't think like that._

"W-well Gil, my name is M-Matthew," I stuttered. 

"That's a pretty awesome name. Not as awesome as mine, but then again that's impossible. However your name is still much too awesome for me to forget," I but my lip and looked down at my shoes, trying to hold back tears. 

_Alright, just think of something else. Hockey. We lost last year, but this year we're gonna turn it all around and kick ass..._

I let myself be distracted and the rest of the car ride passed in silence. 

~~~~(Pov change) ~~~~~ 

_Ah, shit, did I say something to upset him? He's so quiet..._

"Um, Mattie-you don't mind if I call you that do ya-" he nodded and I continued nervously, "you know I'm sorry if I ever say something to you that upsets you. I can't help but speak my mind, it's a bad habit I've always had, but I'll do my best to tone it down..." 

"Don't." He said firmly, and I looked at him, surprised. 

"Don't tone it down. It's you, and I like it," he said softly, blushing, and gave me a tiny smile. 

_Oh fuck his smile is gorgeous oh shit am I blushing? All he did was smile and you're blushing like a schoolgirl, gotta get ahold of yourself. YOU are the seducer in the relationship, not the seducee, which is significantly less awesome._

"Well, uh, thanks!" I said, grinning hugely. 

"Some people can't handle this kind of awesomeness, but I had a feeling you weren't one of them, kesesese~" I winked and continued on with shopping. However I couldn't resist the temptation to steal glances at Mattie quite often. 

_He's been through so much. His expression, it's so...familiar. And he thinks so little of himself. I see him sitting there, unaware of his awesomeness, unaware of the wings with which he could fly..._

He probably has no idea how amazing he is, how special, how unforgettable. I can't allow that. 

"You know, Birdie, you're unforgettable." I told him suddenly; he stiffened and dropped the maple syrup he was holding and then looked up at me. A single tear glinted on his face. I wiped it away, meeting his gaze. We stood there for a moment, and then he turned away.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

My phone buzzed again, but I ignored it. I was driving. 

_It's been buzzing a lot, wonder why..._

Must be that someone's missing my awesome 

I glanced over at Mattie. The Canadian was looking out the window and appeared to be lost in thought. 

"Gil?" He asked as I pulled into the driveway. 

"Ja?" 

"Why Birdie?" 

I blushed and got out of the car to buy some time. I frowned. There was a figure standing at the door. A figure with long, familiar blonde locks. 

_Aw HELL no_

"The FUCK are you doing here??!?" I yelled at him, pusses. Mattie had gotten out of the car and I stepped in front of him. 

"Is Mattieu here? Gil, s'il vous plaît, is he okay?" Francis asked, walking toward us. I clenched my fists but Mattie put a hand on my shoulder. I looked back at him and he nodded. 

"Oui. Je suis ici," he said softly, stepping in front of me. 

Francis rushed towards him, then stopped, hesitating. 

"Mattieu, I-" 

"Why?" He cut him off, his voice louder and firmer than I had ever heard before. 

"Well, I don't remember much from back zen, I don't really know why...but I do remember you, mon beau garçon, mon petit Mattieu. And then, I remember you were taken from me, and I wasn't allowed to see you..." He trailed off, pain clouding his usually untroubled features. "I fought so hard for you, but I couldn't, I wasn't strong enough, I was weak and so tired and I lost. I remember missing you so much and-" 

Francis was interrupted mid-explanation by the Canadian throwing himself in his arms. Francis caught him and held him close, tears running down his face. Mattie was mumbling rapid French, the only word I could hear was Papa. I looked away, then frowned. 

_So Mattie grew up at the same time America did, one raised by England, the other by France. People competed a lot for that land though, so I can get how he got taken away... But how did he forget...?_

He said he was weak- 

MEINGOTT I GET IT 

Gill, your deductive skills are as awesome as ever 

"I'm so sorry, so so very sorry mon enfant, I can't imagine what you've been through, and it's all my fault-" 

"Actually, Francis, it might not be," I interrupted, and they both looked at me in surprise. "I've been thinking, and, well, you lost Mattie right? You said you were weak. Well, I was thinking about rough times that you were going through about 3 centuries ago, give or take, and you know what came to mind? The French Revolution. I remember how much it messed you up, how you were never the same after. And then you and England started fighting again, and you lost territory. I remember how upset you were..." I trailed off. 

"Mon dieu!! That's why!!" He turned to Mattie. "I was never quite ze same after la révolution, it took me decades to recover completely. Even my memories from that time are fuzzy, if that," 

"So, you didn't leave me?" Mattie asked him hopefully. 

"Never, my Mattieu." 

I smiled at the sweet reunion before me. 

_Ah shit! Groceries!_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Together we all took in the groceries, and when we were finished Francis out a hand in my arm and looked me in the eyes. 

"Gilbert, I will never be able to thank you enough for reuniting me with my cher fils and for helping him. But, merci beaucoup." He said seriously and I saw the depth of love he had for Mattie; and the horror of losing and forgetting him, then rediscovering him in such a state. I shook my head firmly. 

"Nein, there is no need to thank me. Anyone would've done what I did," I answered. 

Mattie watched the exchange curiously, confusion written on his fave. 

"Well, um," I hesitated, unsure of how to explain. 

"He came to me in a fury that the likes of which haven't been seen in ages after the meeting zis morning, and punched me in ze nose. He zen proceeded to tell me about you, zis small, maple-loving man zat was my son. And zen I remembered everything," Francis told him, and Mattie's eyes widened. "

Anyways, am I gonna be cooking breakfast for three?" I asked them, and Mattie nodded. 

"Francis, why don't you go sit down? I'm going to go help Gil with breakfast." 

"Oooh, a German breakfast! What a rare treat!" He said and I punched him in the shoulder. 

"Excuse you, I'm making a Prussian Frühstück. There's a huge difference. Prussian ones are waaaaaaaay more awesome!" I corrected before heading into the kitchen. Mattie and I worked in silence for a while, and the only sound in the house was Francis yelling at The Price is Right in French. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Translations: 

s'il vous plaît- if you please 

Oui. Je suis ici- Yes. I am here. 

mon beau garçon, mon petit Mattieu- my beautiful boy, my little Matthew 

mon enfant- my child 

merci beaucoup- thank you so much 

Frühstück- breakfast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, for some reason I feel bad making france a bad guy for forgetting Matthew, so i figured this out. Backed up by legit history, i'm kinda proud of myshellf for figuring this out!!!  
> so yaaaay!!!  
> france feels guys, beclaws for some reason imma sucker for em  
> and i absolutely love the dad son fluff between francis and mattie


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey Gil?" Mattie asked in his quiet way. 

"Ja?" I answered curiously. 

"How did you know? About Francis, I mean," he asked hesitantly, and I shook my head. I felt myself go red, just a little bit. 

_He caught that? Verdammit_

"You don't miss much, do you?" I asked him, and then sighed. "Well, feel free to get pissed at me, but I heard you having a nightmare and…mayhavecomeintocheckonyouandendedupspendingthenightinyourbed." I said, flushing more. I looked over and saw him blush too. 

_Aw man, he looks even more awesome blushing…_

"And while you were having that nightmare I heard you say his name." 

"O-oh, um, that makes sense. And I'm…not mad. Actually, t-thank you for trying to help." he stuttered adorably, an action I found unfair. "I have one more question. Why was Francis so worried about me? I mean, of course I missed him and was upset but…" he trailed off. 

I ground my teeth in frustration. 

"Shit. You just had to be one of those quiet genius types," I growled and he flinched. 

_Fuck, I'm an asshole_

"No, Birdie, I didn't mean it like that! I just-verdammt, sicken Leben! Scheiße Scheiße Scheiße!" I had resorted to German in my frustration. However, when I met his eyes and saw the hurt there, the hurt I had put there, my mind cleared slightly. 

"It's the silent, smart ones that see right through me," I whispered and avoided his gaze. 

_Holy shit I just said that aloud. To him. This is getting deep, real, and fast. I'm in way too deep and I know I need to get out but…_

_I don't want to._

_Dammit._

_You've gotta stay awesome Gil, don't lose what you've fought so hard to create_

"As for your question, well, you sleep in short sleeves. And, for lack of a better wording, you look like shit, Birdie. Not like, oh get some sleep you look like shit, shit. No I mean like, the depths of emotional hell slowly sinking under, shit." I still refused to look at him. 

"Y-you saw that?" he asked, and he sounded, well, miserable. I turned around and saw him looking down, shame obvious on his face. I used all of my will to resist pulling him into my arms. I did, however, tilt his chin up to meet my eyes. 

"No judgments Birdie. That's a promise. It's okay," I told him. He met my eyes, so fragile and vulnerable and then he was in my arms. I held him tight, stroking his soft hair. 

"G-gil I-" 

"Never again, Birdie, I promise you that you'll never feel that sad or low ever again," I told him firmly. 

_I'll make sure of it_

"Ahem," I whirled around, releasing the small Canadian to face Francis standing a few feet away, looking oddly pleased. 

"je suis désolé, but the food smells ready, oui?" He smiled knowingly at us and winked. I felt myself blush and busied myself serving everything up. 

_So maybe I do like him. A lot. Nothing's going to change, I'm not making any moves._

_He probably doesn't like me back._

_He probably couldn't handle my awesomeness anyways..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PRUSSIA FEELS GUYS  
> because idk prussia can't reely understand canada's hurt unless he has some of his own  
> so yup


	7. Chapter 7

"Who's that for?" I asked Mattie as he set an extra plate of food down on the ground. 

"My polar bear, Kumaterjo," He sneered. "He's small and shy, which is why you haven't seen him around much." 

I nodded and resumed eating. I hadn't realized just how hungry I was. 

"Mon dieu Gilbert, haven't you ever heard of table manners?" Francis asked, grimacing. 

"My eating isn't digesting, you just don't like that I don't take forever to eat like you," I retorted. 

"Non, you are not messy, but watching you makes me feel rushed as well." I rolled my eyes. 

"Well then, thats your problem then, isn't it?" I replied, finishing off my mood and sitting back, satisfied. I glance dover to the plate on the floor and my eyes widened. Sitting there eating was what looked like a living teddy bear. 

"Meit gott Mattie, your bear is so cute!!" I exclaimed and smiled faintly at me. 

"Thanks. Make sure you let him eat in peace, and he will stay that way," he warned and I nodded. 

"Speaking of pets, where is your petit oiseau?" Francis asked and I frowned. 

_Poor Gillbird, I'm not gonna see him for a while…_

_I certainly can't leave Mattie here to go and get him_

"I left him behind," I said. "West is watching him." 

"Hmm, doesn't Germany have a trip planned to visit Japan in a week?" Francis asked and my eyes widened. 

_Shit! And there's no one else I trust to watch either of my precious birdies_

"Vögeln, he does, doesn't he? What am I gonna do…?" I asked, looking at Francis for ideas. He looked meaningfully at Mattie. 

_huh, I wonder what that look means…_

"You can just go get him. I'll be fine," Canada piped up and I shook my head. 

"No way, as Antonio would say, Jose, I'm not leaving unless…" I paused as a lightbulb went off in my head. 

"I've got it! Mattie, you should just come with me!" I said happily. Canada, however, just looked…hesitant. 

_I'm such an idiot. AS if he'd want to leave just for me. I mean, we've only just met_

I got up abruptly and left the room. 

_Stupid, clueless, dummkopf_

~~~(pov change)~~~ 

I watched Gil get up and leave, but he avoided my eyes. His expression seemed…hurt. 

"Um, what just happened?" I asked. France sighed. 

"Do you want to visit his home with him to rescue his poor bird?" he asked bluntly and I felt my cheeks redden. 

"Um, I-I…" I stammered, and he raised an eyebrow. 

"Yes," I admitted, blushing more. 

"Gilbert, stop pouting. Mattieu would be delighted to accompany you," Francis called and Gilbert re-entered the room, grinning. 

"Thanks Mattie, I owe ya one. Not, of course, that you would not want to come with the awesome me to my awesome house!" I nodded.That smile rendered me more speechless than usual. 

Francis leaned forward, shooting a smirk at Gil and then asked me, "vous l'aimez, ne vows?" 

I bit my lip and looked down, blushing. "je ne sais pas, peut-être? J'espère que non." Francis rolled his eyes. 

"je ne pense pas que vous faites…" 

"Peut-être," I admitted, and he winked. 

"Ma chère enfant, je suis d'un pays de l'amour et vous êtes en elle. Croyez-moi, je sais," he said and I sighed, blushing more. 

"Je viens de...Il est juste gentil et il me remarque et me souvient et dit ces belles choses à moi avec ce beau sourire de son et je…je ne peux pas l'aider…" I trailed off and then got up, taking my plate to the sink. 

_Wait a second… Does Gil speak French???_

~~~(pov change)~~~ 

_Holy shit. This is all just a dream, it must be, and I think I should wake up now…_

_this is too good to be true. Better than I could ever hope…_

I pinched myself but when I opened my eyes nothing had changed. So that meant… 

_HELIKESMEBACKHELIKESMEBACKHELIKESMEBACKERMAGMICHZURÜCKERMAGMICHZURÜCKERMAGMICHZURÜCKERMAGMICHZURÜCK_

"Das war hinterhältig," I said to Francis after my internal celebration had calmed a bit. Francis winked at me and I smiled. Francis understood my language but had said it was "bad enough to understand the crude and coarse language, I could not take a moment of speaking it" which ended any arguments there. 

"Natürlich würde er nie denken, die großartige mich wäre ein Grund, um Französisch zu lernen. Aber in der bad touch trio, Ich konnte nicht umhin, einige lernen," I muttered aloud. 

"Oui. What will you do now, eh Gilbert?" Francis asked and I winked. 

"You'll just have to wait and see…" I said suggestively. 

"Wait and see what?" Mattie asked, walking back in. I looked over at him and winked seductively. He blushed. 

"That's for me to know, and you to find out," I purred. 

"So, what should we do now, hmm?" Francis asked and I remembered. 

"Mattie, do you have a computer somewhere I can use? I wanna buy our tickets so we can go home," I asked excitedly, pumped at the idea of showing Mattie all my awesome spots at home. 

"Oh, yea, sure," he said, getting up and gesturing for me to follow. Francis remembered a "engagement avant" he had to attend and took his leave. However before he went, he made us promise to stop by his house at some point during our trip. 

_And now I've got him all to myself…_

I forced that train of thought to end as I looked closer at him. 

_Today's been rough for him, poor Birdie. I'll give him time to feel better, to heal._

_But after that…_

_All bets are off._

We decided to leave in four days, so we could stop by Francis's for a few days and then be back in time for West to leave. I insisted on paying for the tickets, and after a while, he gave in. We were sitting on the couch watching animal planet when I decided to try and talk to him about…everything. 

"Hey, Birdie, if you want to talk about, well, how you've been and all the shit you've been going through, well, I'm here. Don't feel like you have to, cuz I won't pry, but if you want to I'd be glad to listen." He looked up at me and smiled, really smiled, for the first time since I'd met him. My heart was running a marathon in my chest and my head was fuzzy. 

_Holy…shit…_

_Mien gott he's so…beautiful…_

_…And he's got me wrapped around his finger_

Lucky for me I gained more brain function as he yawned and the smile dissappeared. I glanced at the clock and was surprised to see it was pretty late. 

"Wow time flies when you're awesome like me, but I think it's time to hit the sack, don't you?" He nodded. I got up and busied myself with getting ready for bed before standing awkwardly outside my door, facing him. 

"Hey, uh, if you wanted I wouldn't mind helping keep the nightmares away with my awesomeness," I offered, blushing. He but his lip and nodded hesitantly. My heart melted at his shyness. 

_He is so cute!_

We got into bed and turned out the lights. Before I could think better of it, I reached over and pulled him close to me. He was warm and soft. 

"It's hard to keep your nightmares away when you're all the way over there," I whispered, face flaming. 

_This is heaven._

Too comfortable to remain awake, despite wanting to enjoy the moment, I quickly fell asleep. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Translations: 

petit oiseau: little bird 

Vögeln: expletive 

dummkopf-dummy/idiot 

vous l'aimez, ne vows-You like him, don't you 

je ne sais pas, peut-être? J'espère que non- I don't know, maybe? I hope not 

je ne pense pas que vous faites…-I don't think you do… 

Peut-être-maybe 

Ma chère enfant, je suis d'un pays de l'amour et vous êtes en elle. Croyez-moi, je sais- My dear child, I am the country of love and you are in it. Trust me, i know 

Je viens de...Il est juste gentil et il me remarque et me souvient et dit ces belles choses à moi avec ce beau sourire de son et je…je ne peux pas l'aider…- I just… He's just nice and he notices me and remembres me and says thèse nice things to me with that beautiful grin of his and I…I can't help it… 

ER MAG MICH ZURÜCK- HE LIKES ME BACK 

das war hinterhältig- That was sneaky 

Natürlich würde er nie denken, die großartige mich wäre ein Grund, um Französisch zu lernen. Aber in der bad touch trio, Ich konnte nicht umhin, einige lernen- Of course he'd never think the awesome me would have a reason to learn French. But in the bad touch Trio I couldn't help but pick some up. 

engagement avant- prior engagement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what would i do without google translate, i swear  
> whoop  
> feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllliiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnngggggggggssssssssssss  
> so there we go


	8. Chapter 8

I woke up feeling better than I had in ages. Mattie was asleep in my arms, his head on my chest. He looked peaceful and happy in sleep, and I took advantage of the opportunity to memorize his face. Ever so slowly, I reached over to brush a lock of hair from his eyes. He didn't react, so I gently stroked his cheek. As he continued to sleep I became more daring, tracing the curve of his lip with my finger, outlining his cheekbones, stroking his hair. And then, when I could resist no longer, I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his cheek. He sighed, and I froze. 

"Prussia," he murmured, still asleep. 

_Is he…_

_Dreaming of me?_

"Mon sauveur, my Gil," he said, smiling. My heart overflowed, and I held him tight to me. 

"Ihre," I said softly. "Immer." 

**KNOCK KNOCK**

_Verdammit, who the hell would be knocking on the door at this time?_

I looked down and saw him open his eyes, groaning. 

"Aw maple, Kuma, you just had to wake me up, I was having the best dream…" he muttered, and then realized I was there. 

"O-oh, uh, hi…sorry I didn't mean to lay on you like this." He attempted to move, but I refused to let go. 

"Kesesesese~, I don't mind," I winked and his cheeks reddened. "You're warm and soft." I started stroking his hair gently and he bit his lip. 

_Aw, Birdie, you have no clue what you do to me_

**KNOCK KNOCK**

"Gil, I've gotta go feed Kumanjupo," Mattie said, trying to free himself. I pouted at him, and I could see his face turn even redder. 

"Aw, Birdie, just a few more minutes?" I did not whine because I am much too awesome to whine. He sighed. 

"Let me up and I"ll make pancakes…" He said teasingly. 

_Unfair. That's playing dirty._

_Birdie…or pancakes?_

Eventually my hunger won out and I released him, and he got up to go make the promised pancakes. I sent the little bear an evil glare before taking Mattie's wrist and pulling him close. 

"Since I let you go, I get to do this," I whispered in his ear and pressed my lips against his jaw. His breathing turned ragged and I stayed there for a moment, enjoying his soft, warm skin. He smelled like maple. Of course. All too soon, I forced myself to release him. His eyes were hazy, dazed. I winked at him, and he seemed to jerk back into reality, flushing. I walked into the guest room and got dressed, and it was a couple of minutes before I heard him walk down to the kitchen and start breakfast. 

_Ha, looks like I did understand Birdie's conversation with Francis correctly! I really liked seeing you flustered Birdie, and I think I'd like to see it more often…_

I made my way down to join him and saw him in an adorable little apron, busying himself with breakfast. 

_Oh wow._

_That is…_

_Damn._

_Mattie, why do you have to be such a perfect mix of adorable, beautiful, and sexy? It's quite unfair. You could turn a straight man gay in a heartbeat. Lucky for both of us, you don't have to_

"Achoo!" 

I jumped at the noise and entered the kitchen to see the poor Canadian covered completely in flour. 

"Aw, maple," I heard him mutter as he turned around to face me. 

"Kesesese~ you look like a ghost! How did you even manage that?" he spun around and looked at me, blushing. 

"I don't even know," he said mournfully. I looked at him for a moment. 

_Don't worry Birdie, the awesome me has the answer to your woes_

"You finish breakfast, I know a perfect temporary fix for ja!" I grinned at him and he returned with a tentative smile. 

~~~[a few minutes later]~~~ 

**SQUIRT SQUIRT**

"Eep! Eh! Gil!! What was that for?! Aw maple, I'm all wet now!" 

"Oh ja, I forgot about that, I'm sorry Birdie! I just knew water got flour off, I forgot that they also got cute Canadians wet in the process," I explained, and his anger melted. Shaking his head, he started serving up the pancakes. 

_I bet he's cold, being all wet like that…_

_I know!_

I shrugged off my jacket and place fit around his shoulders. 

"Here ja go Birdie," I said, quieter than my normal volume. 

_Mein Gott he's turning me into a softie_

_How unawesome_

_and yet so very awesome_

"Merci," he said as he got out the maple syrup and drenched the pancakes in it. Then he took our plates to the table and we began to eat. 

_MEIN GOTT_

I groaned in ecstasy at the deliciousness that touched my tastebuds. 

"Mein Gott Mattie these are SO FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!" I said, my mouth full of pancakes. 

"What?" He smiled affectionately at me and I felt myself redden. 

"SO AWESOME!!" I told him enthusiastically once my mouth was empty. He blushed and looked down, pleased. 

"What?" I asked, and he bit his lip. 

_That habit is going to drive me verrückt, I swear_

"I can't remember the last time someone's complimented me for something I did," he said, His voice quieter than usual. "Normally I get beat up for the stuff people think I do. Mostly when they mistake me for America." I looked at him, concerned, but he avoided my eyes. 

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be sad-" 

"Nein. You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. I told you last nigt that I'm here if you need to talk. Do you?" He cocked his head thoughtfully, then smiled wryly. 

"Let me shower first, okay?" 

"Ja, you need it! Kesesese~" 

He got up and put his plate in the sink. He started to head upstairs, but stopped before passing me. 

"Merci beaucoup Gill," he said, and swiftly leaned in and kissed my cheek. I looked up at him, surprised. He blushed and looked away. 

_Birdie I swear to go tone day I'm gonna lose my self control…_

"I look forward to it," he whispered seductively in my ear, then walked away. 

_Did I…_

_Say that aloud?_

_And he..?_

_MIEN GOTT_

_Yup, I'm in love_

I must've sat there for five minutes before I jerked out of my daze. I shook my head, trying to clear it, and went to turn on the TV. Settling myself in for a marathon of the Office, I felt oddly content. 

_I haven't felt like this in ages. Since…since my glory days as the great and powerful Prussia._

_Birdie, you've made me feel whole again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alrighty then, there ya go  
> so since there's fluff, there has to be sad now because i'm evil and can't allow you to be happy for too long  
> not reely  
> but still


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SAD  
> FEELS  
> careful there's some stuffs here that might be upsetting  
> trigger warning!!!!  
> there is self harm!!!!!!

I smiled as felt the warm water run over my skin. I couldn't believe that I had said that to Gilbert, I could feel myself blush just thinking about ti. But, I was raised by Francis after all. 

I stepped out of the shower and started drying myself off. I looked up and caught a glance of myself in the mirror. I froze. 

Wow you look awful. See how pale and thin you are? You're a skeleton, not a person. A skeleton that bleeds, that speaks. You're so disgusting, you better hope Gil never has to see you without any clothes. He'd be disgusted, grossed out. 

Look at those scars, you're so pathetic. You're such an attention whore, cutting in the hopes you won't be ignored. You're not worth any attention. 

You're worthless.

Pathetic.

Ugly.

Disgusting.

I jerked violently.

CRASH

I felt a sharp pain in my arm but I ignored it and got dressed. When I was finished, I fingered one of the shards of glass thoughtfully. 

Since I'm already so ugly, a couple more scars couldn't hurt...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
{Gilbert's pov!}

CRASH

I frowned. 

I've got a bad feeling about this...

I got up and walked toward the bathroom. I knocked softly and opened the door slowly. 

"Birdie? I'm coming in," I said and I heard a whimper from inside. 

"Wait!" I heard him say, but it was too late. The door was open and I stook there, shocked at the scene inside. 

Shards of glass littered the floor, Mattie was sitting on the toilet, blood running down his arm, a sharp piece of glass in hand. 

"Oh Birdie," I said softly, and I noticed he was crying softly. I eyed all the glass on the floor and saw he was barefoot, so I picked him up and carried him to the kitchen. I sat him down on the counter and got the first aid kit. He opened his mouth to say something but I shushed him. 

"Shh, it's okay. Just let me take care of you." 

Carefully I cleaned his wounds, picking the glass out and bandaging them carefully. He had stopped crying when I finished, and he looked at me wearily. He looked so small, so fragile, and I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight. He buried his face in my shoulder. After a moment, I picked him up again and sat down on the couch and he settled into my lap. 

"Birdie, what happened?" He shook his head violently and I sighed. 

"You can't push it down. Just let it out. C'mon Birdie, you can tell me, it's okay." I coaxed. He sniffed and shook his head again. I sighed. 

"You know, you're not the only one who's gone through this. When my country was dissolved, I felt alone, empty, worthless. I stopped doing things, I didn't go out. I lost all self confidence." He looked at me incredulously and I smiled wryly. "Ja, I know it's hard to believe the awesome me was so down in the dumps. But it's true. You're not alone Birdie, and you're not the first to go through things like this. And so I promise, it helps to talk about it." He took a deep, shuddering breath, his head leaning on my shoulder. 

"I just... I don't like me. I'm not strong, or brave or important or noticeable or worth anything. I'm useless, ignored. I'm disgusting and ugly, scarred and imperfect." I shook my head. 

"That's not what I see," I said and Mattie looked up and met my eyes. "I see a smart, beautiful, adorable person. You're quiet, but you see everything, and you're caring and loveable and sweet. You are strong, and you are important. More important than you realize. And we all have scars and imperfections. That's a part of being alive. Birdie, you are a special, amazing, strong and kind person. That's what I see." 

Mattie was crying again, tears running down his cheeks as he looked up at me in...was that awe?

"That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me," he said wonderingly and I winked.

"Plenty more where that came from Birdie! Kesesese~" I felt his arms wrap around me, and I held him close. 

"I'm just so sick of being forgotten. I've been so lonely, nobody has remembered me until I met you. I had no one, and it hurt. It was so hard, so painful to get up every day knowing nobody cared about me, and if I left, no one would notice, let alone care. I stopped going to world meetings, but my absence wasn't noted. Not even in my own country!" I was a bit taken aback by the sudden onslaught of words, it was more than I'd ever heard him say before. It broke my heart to hear him, hurting like that, and I hated that I couldn't do anything to help him. 

I wish I could fix this for you Birdie, more than you know

"Never again Birdie. I promise you, you'll never have to feel that way again. I never could forget you, and I never will." Abruptly I realized how close he was, his face inches from mine. I met his eyes, leaning closer, and he shut his with a soft sigh. Slowly but surely I leaned forward, feeling a ghost of his lips against mine.

DING DONG

Mattie jumped up to answer the door, muttering "maple" under his breath. 

VERDAMMIT  
So close...

I got up and followed him to the door, wishing I could punch whoever it was on the other side. My desire increased greatly when I heard exactly who it was that had interrupted us. 

"What on Earth is going on Frog, what is this place?"

"Patience, mon amour, it hasn't even been a minute yet."

"I'm hungry, is there food here?"

"Bloody hell, did you really have to bring this imbecile too?"

"Aw Artie, that's mean!"

"Are you saying you'd rather be alone with moi, Angleterre?"

"HELL NO. And my name is Arthur-!" 

Their arguing was cut off when I reached around Mattie, who seemed to be paralyzed by their arguing, to open the door. Francis, England, and America looked over at me curiously and I sighed. 

Perfect. This is exactly what my morning was missing. 3 annoying assholes.

"Look, Franny, it's not a good time. It's been a rough morning," I said and he shook his head. 

"Non, now I have to see him! Is he okay? What happened??" I shot a meaningful glance over at England and America and Francis nodded. 

"Can we at least come in? I would really like to see him," he asked and I looked at Mattie. 

"You guys can, um, come in," he said softly, poking his head out the door.

Huh, America and England are quiet for once.

We all walked in and sat down on the couch. After a few moments of awkwardness, America broke the silence. 

"So, who are you dude? Is this your house? I don't remember ever seeing you around..." He said.

"Yes me neither. Are you a country?" England added.

I started to rise, fists clenched. My vision was tinged with red and I was shaking with anger. 

It's because of these assholes that Birdie's like this...

"You...I can't even think of words bad enough to call you. This guy here has been through HELL because of shitheads like you." I took a step towards them and they looked afraid. I practically snarled at them, "this is Matthew. Canada. Your brother" I pointed at America and he flinched. I then moved over to meet England's eyes. "As for you, this is the little boy you deprived of a father, out of spite and pure incompetence,"

"Hey now, did you bring us here just to yell at us? This is completely uncalled for-"

"UNCALLED FOR?!?" I pulled him up by his shirt collar. 

"LOOK AT HIM!!! THAT IS YOUR FUCKING FAULT!!!"

"Gil?" I stopped abruptly and let England go.

"I'm sorry Birdie, I lost my temper." Mattie shook his head and smiled faintly at me. 

"Merci. But he has a point. They didn't come to get yelled at." He turned to Francis and I sat back down, trying to calm down. 

"Why did you bring them here?" he asked, and Francis sighed. 

"I was so happy to see you again, I thought I could help zem reunite with you too." 

"Can everyone just stop for a second?!!" America yelled and we all looked at him in shock.

"You, Canada, are my little bro?" He asked in an uncharacteristically timid voice. 

"Oui. I am your little brother, raised by France until taken by England. It was a little over a century before your independence. After that though, you started to forget me more and more until I-" He stopped abruptly and clutched my hand for support. Francis put an arm around his shoulders. 

"I... I forgot my own baby brother?" 

"I had another son? And... I abandoned him?"

The two men sat there, almost identical looks of horror and guilt on their faces. 

Like father like son.  
Serves them right.

"Well, this turned out a lot more sad then I had hoped..." Francis said uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry," Mattie said looking down, and I frowned.

"None of this is your fault Birdie, you hear me? None of it." I squeezed his hand and turned to Francis.

"And Francis, it was less sad for you because you had your revolution to explain why you forgot. These fuckers have nothing to blame but themselves."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELP HERE I AM AGAIN UPDATING  
> sorry guys, i COMPLETELY FORGOT  
> but yeah, chapter nines a whopper  
> FEEEEELLLLSSSS  
> and just when it started to get fluffy too  
> heh  
> don't worry, it'll get better  
> (and worse)  
> (*evil author laugh*)  
> p.s. shout out to Ashley Taylor, who commented some reeeeeelly nice things and made my week, THANK YOU SO MUCH AND ALSO IM SORRY


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> feely? a little bit  
> ALSO FLUFF  
> a bit of mattie's perspective on things...

_Why is everyone so upset over this? I don't understand. Why is Gil so angry? This has happened all my life, so why now?_

I looked at America and England, but they both avoided my gaze. 

_They both look so...guilty. And sad._  
 _This is my fault, I need to fix this. They shouldn't have to be so upset because of me._

"America, England?" They looked up at me curiously and I sighed. "You don't have to be so upset over me. It's okay, really. I'm fine. I'm used to it, because it's not just you guys. I'm forgotten and not noticed all the time, and by everyone."

Gilbert opened his mouth to say something, but America beat him to the punch.

"First of all, my name's Alfred. And b, you're not okay. I can see that, mostly cuz I've like bothered to look for once. Dude, just because like everyone does something doesn't mean it's okay. Not at all."

"Please call me Arthur, and I agree. Our actions towards you were inexcusable, and should be addressed as such. The fact that you're used to such behaviour shows how awfully you've been treated." Engla-Arthur added adn put his hand on my arm. "Honestly, I'm quite impressed at your strength. A lesser country, a lesser person wouldn't have lasted so long in your situation." 

_Strong?_  
 _Is he talking about me?_  
 _But...I'm not strong. I barely survived, how could I be strong?_

"He's right Birdie. They both are," Gilbert said, his red eyes oddly soft. I bit my lip and nodded. 

_Gilbert, I can trust. I can believe him._  
 _He's never left me...yet._  
 _I hope someday I don't have to add the yet._

We sat and talked for a while, exchanged phone numbers. It was really nice to be included in the conversation, and I found myself smiling and laughing with everyone else. 

"I think it's about time we take our leave," Arthur said, standing up and tugging Alfred up with him. "And Matthew, I know it will take time before you're able to forgive us, but we're so, terribly sorry." 

"C'mere Matt and give your big bro a tender embrace!" Alfred said, escaping Arthur's grip and holding his arms out. I sighed and resigned myself to it, standing up and hesitantly entering his embrace. He wrapped his arms around me and squeezed. I smiled faintly for a moment, and then pain washed over me. I winced. 

"Ow," I said, whimpering, and Alfred let me go immediately, his concerned blue eyes searching mine. 

"You okay bro?"

"Y-yea. Just got some bruises there."

"Who." I turned around and saw Gilbert struggling to contain his fury. 

_I'd hate to get on his bad side_

"Cuba. Sometimes he recognizes me, but usually he just thinks I"m America and beats me up." America frowned and nodded. 

"C'mon Iggy, France, we've got a country that needs a talkin to," he said, grabbing htem and pulling them out the door before I could protest. I sighed heavily before flopping down on the couch. 

_Today's been a long day_

"Hey, Birdie?" Gilbert said and I looked at him curiously. "I'd like to take a look at what Cuba's done to you, make sure nothing's broken?" I shook my head violently. 

_There's no way that I'm letting you see me like this, I'm disgusting and-_

"Birdie." I jumped as I felt his hand on my cheek, gentlyu moving me to meet his eyes. I blushed but obliged, losing myself in his gorgeous crimson pools. 

"You have nothing to be ashamed of,k nothing to hide. Especially not from me." 

_His expression is so gentle, so caring_  
 _It's quite a contrast from before, it's...beautiful._

I nodded and he smiled. 

_Oh wow, he's even more attractive like that..._

"That being said, I don't want to do anything you're uncomfortable with. So maybe we leave the shirt on and you just let me feel around and make sure you haven't got any broken ribs?' Gil still hadn' moved his hand form my face or his eyes form mine, and it was messing with my thought processes. Nobody could blame me for liking the idea of that. I nodded, biting my lip. 

"Sure, g-go ahead," I said quietly. He removed his hand from my cheek and I felt a twinge of regret at the loss. 

"Eep," I squeaked as I felt him move me over. His brief mischievous grin and the fact that I was now in his lap obliterated the regret and made me forget any pain my injuries had caused. 

"Alright, just let me know if you're uncomfortable and I'll stop, okay?" His eyes searched mine, his hands resting on my sides, their warmth seeping into me. I nodded, helpless under his touch and gaze. Rarely had I ever been toucherd, let alone touched by someone I had feelings for and who was so, well, sexy. Really, it was no surprise that I was affected the way that I was. 

_Maple, I've really fallen hard for him..._

I was very aware of his fingers at the hem of my t-shirt, and then slowly, they slipped under. My breath hitched. He froze and looked at me for permission to continue. Blushing furiously, I nodded. 

_Oh Gil, I"m not worried about being uncomfortable. In fact, I'm worried about quite the opposite._

His hands slowly inched up my waist to my stomach. They were warm and very gentle, and I relaxed. My eyes closed, knowing hte combination of his eyes and hands on me would probably inhibit my ability to breathe. After a couple of minutes of gentle probing, he withdrew his hands and declared my ribs "awesome". I rolled my eyes at him and climbed out of his lap to pick up my phone from the table. 

"Gil, did you know it's almost six?" I asked, surprised, but he only laughed. 

"Kesesese~ that's why I'm so hungry! Can we order pizza?" I smiled and nodded, grabbing my laptop.  
~~~(now for the awesome perspective)~~~

"Dominoes is way more awesome than Papa John's," I told Mattie as he started ordering. 

"Papa John's has better crust," he replied and I shrugged. 

"As long as you don't prefer Pizza Hut," I said and he looked at me in horror.

"Who would ever prefer Pizza Hut??" He asked incredulously. 

"Crazy people." I told him matter-of-factly. He giggled. 

We ended up getting two larges, a pepperoni and sausage and then Hawaiian. According to Mattie it was cheaper to buy a Hawaiian pizza than just a pizza with canadian bacon. 

"Try it Gilbert," Mattie pleaded and I shook my head. 

"No way, it's got pineapple on it! Who even does that, it does not sound awesome," I replied and he sighed. 

"I didn't want to have to do this Gilbert, but you leave me no choice," he said and I raised my eyebrow (a skill I was very, very proud of). SLowly he removed his glasses and looked up at me. His expression was one of deepest sorrow, his eyes large and shimmering. It was both heart-breaking and yet kinda adorable. My eyes widened. 

_Oh shit_

_no_

_Must...Stay...Strong..._

_You're the awesome Prussia for christ's sakes! You won't be defeated by an expression!!_

_A rather adorable expression..._

_And yet so sad..._

_A bite wouldn't-_

_No! Don't give in!_

_But his eyes..._

_Such a pretty color..._

I groaned as I felt my resolve weaken.

"That's unfair," I protested grumpily, and he grinned at me before making the face again. 

"Fine," I huffed, accepting defeat. "I'll try it, only because I'm so awesomely generous." He chuckled, and handed me a slice of the offending pizza. I eyed it suspiciously before taking a bite. 

"Not bad," I admitted and he smiled hugely. 

"Yay!" he said, and I couldn't help but return his grin.

_Worth it, to see him smile like that_

_Even if I did have to try that weirdness_

We ate in silence for a while, too busy eating to talk. When I finished I sat backa nd stretched, satisfied. 

"Ah, the awesomeness of pizza."

"Agreed," Mattie piped up and I nodded. 

He looked happy, which was really awesome to see, although I did wonder why. 

"Mattie?" I asked. 

"Eh?"

"You, uh, seem happier. I was wondering why, considering what happened this morning." He cocked his head thoughtfully.

"Well, it's a combination of things. I was able to talk to Alfred, Arthur, and Francis and was actually included in the convedrsation, which was a really nice change. Plus, this pizza is yummy. And..." He trailed off, blushing. 

"And?"

"And you make me pretty happy too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whooooooooop  
> DOUBLE DIGIT CHAPTER  
> not bad fur mah first hetalia fic???  
> anyways, got a little while longer, then imma wrap it up, so  
> ENJOY  
> ALSO I LOVE COMMENTS, KUDOS, AND YOU  
> THANKS FUR STICKING WITH THIS!!!!!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIP CHAPTER BABBY  
> kinda just the travelling, but stillllllll

The next few days were mostly uneventful, we just stayed home and were lazy. It was awesome! The more I got to know Mattie, the more I loved him, and the closer I got to make a move. However, I decided to woo him in my home base, and a plan started to form in the back of my mind.  
Kesesesesesese~

The day had finally come, and I was excited!

_Finally, I get to stop holding back._

_I can put my plan into action, and sweep him off his feet_

However, when I looked over, Mattie didn't seem to share my excitement. He was pale, more so than usual, and he sat stiffly and rigidly. 

"Hey, you okay?" He nodded without looking at me, his eyes tightly shut. 

_Wait a minute..._

"Birdie, are you scared of flying?" I asked, surprised despite myself. He bit his lip and nodded tersely. 

"It just seems unnatural, riding in something so huge and heavy and expecting it to stay in the sky. Plus, I don't like...being so high up with no control. I like to feel anchored to the ground." Mattie was getting a lot better about speaking his mind. We had a talk about it, and I asked him if he could try, just for a while. After that he started speaking out more and more about his opinions, thoughts, and anything else. It was gonna take time, of course, but he was already healing. 

"Ja, that makes sense," I agreed nodding. I didn't like seeing him like this, it nagged at me like an itch I couldn't scratch. 

_I wish I could help him feel better..._

"Excuse me, sir, are you alright?" A flight attendant asked, concerned. 

"Ja, he's fine. He's just a nervous flier." She nodded, but still looked at Mattie curiously, as he still refused to open his eyes. 

"I just, hate being disconnected to the ground," he said, opening his eyes and giving her a shaky smile. She had light brown eyes and dark hair pulled into a bun, she was obviously Asian. 

"Here," she said, giving Mattie her scarf, "use this as a blindfold. It will help deceive you into thinking that you are close to the ground and not up high until you are more comfortable." He gave her a grateful smile, accepting it and tying it around his eyes. 

"Oh, wait, what's your name? So that I can return it?" 

"It's Xiao Mei. But everyone here knows me as Mei." I nodded, grinning at her. 

"Thanks a lot. I'll make sure it gets back to you!" I said and she smiled. 

"Of course. Now, I believe we will be taking off very soon, so I must go. You two take care, and enjoy the flight." Mattie stiffened next to me at her words, but she didn't seem to notice. She was correct, however, and after a few announcements from the captain, the plane finally started to move. I could feel him start to shake, and he was clenching his fists so hard his knuckles were white. 

"Hey, Birdie, It's okay," I said, concerned. I put an arm around him before I could think better of it and pulled him close. "I've got you. You're safe." He let out a shuddering breath and nodded, relaxing into me and putting his head on my shoulder. 

We stayed like that the entire flight. 

_I was in heaven._

"Well, I don't know about you, but that was probably the best plane ride I've ever had," I said, grinning at him and he reddened. 

"Yea, it was good. That flight attendant was nice," Mattie replied. I raised an eyebrow at him and he rolled his eyes. 

_C'mon don't get jealous_

_Scheiße, this feeling is not awesome_

"Hmm, are you sure there's not...another reason?" I asked teasingly and he blushed even more. 

"Nope, can't think of one," he replied and I looked down. 

"Oh," I said, only half-faking the disappointment in my tone and expression. I could feel his gaze on me, and I determinedly avoided his eyes. 

"Aw, you know that it was your awesomeness that made the plane ride the best," Mattie said, and I looked over at him and grinned widely. 

"Of course it was!" I impulsively grabbed him and pulled him into a hug. 

_Verdammit, you're just so fucking huggable_

He stiffened before hugging me back tightly. 

"Thanks," he said, his head against my chest. 

_This is so nice..._

_Wait-didn't he say something?_

_Jesus, this is so not awesome_

"What for?" I murmured, my face pressed in his hair. It was so soft.

"For bringing me with you. For caring. You have no idea how much you've helped, how you've made me feel..." he trailed off, and I tilted his face up to see his eyes. 

"Made you feel what?" I asked, moving my hand to cup his cheek, stroking his soft skin. He flushed. 

"Um," 

_Gott, Birdie, you're so beautiful_

_Slowly I leaned forward, my eyes on his lips. His beautiful, perfect, soft looking lips._

_I'm gonna do it_

His eyes widened as he realized my intentions, and he closed his eyes. 

_Closer..._

His lips were a mere inch away now, and I was giddy. 

_Just a bit farther_

Just as I was about to seal the deal and kiss the boy (fucking finally), I heard someone yell my name. 

"BRUDER!! STOP MAKING OUT AND GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!!" I groaned and released him, looking over for my bruder so I could punch him. Spotting him, I grabbed Mattie's hand and dragged him over to where my bruder, Ludwig, was standing. 

"Verdammit Bruder, I was so about to close the deal!!! Why you gotta Scheiße auf meine Partei??" I demanded, punching him in the shoulder. Ludwig looked annoyed, but amused, and Mattie looked indignant and flustered. 

"You were not closing any deal, Gilbert, so don't even," Mattie said, jabbing me in the ribs. I winked at him, then hugged Ludwig. 

"Luddy, long time no see! Feeling better?" I said, and he cocked an eyebrow. 

_Scheiße, I forgot how much better than me he is at that_

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your, ah, friend?" He asked. I frowned.

"This is my very good friend Matthew Williams, otherwise known as-"

"-Canada," he interrupted, and offered his hand to shake. "I believe we've met, but it's good to see you nevertheless." Luddy nodded and returned the handshake. 

"I'm Ludvig, Gilbert's younger bruder. I'm sorry I didn't remember you." Mattie nodded, graciously accepting his apology. 

"It's fine, I get it a lot." And when I looked at him, it did seem fine. He didn't seem any sadder or more upset. It made me happy to know that, but I also wanted to know why...  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Alright, I'll be back in a couple of veeks, don't do anything too stupid, don't touch my stuff, clean up after yourselves-" 

I stopped listening to Luddy and decided to look at Mattie instead. His hair was kinda messy from the flight, it was sticking up in lots of different directions, but his curl was still as noticeable as ever.

_Note to (awesome) self: Play with curl at later date_

I smiled at the thought, and was too distracted to notice Luddy's fist heading towards me.

"Ow!" I said, glaring at him as I rubbed my aching shoulder. 

"Pay attention!! Ugh, I don't even care anymore. I'll worry about it later." He started heading for the door. 

"Bye Luddy! Spaß haben verdammt Ihren kleinen italienischen!!" I called out to him, and he flushed and flipped me off before slamming the door shut. I sighed happily, slinging an arm around him casually. 

"Alone at last," I said, waggling my eyebrows. He rolled his eyes (but still blushed) and went to go unpack. 

_Time to put my plan into action..._  
 _Kesesesesesesese~_  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Translations:

Scheiße auf meine Partei- shit on my party

Spaß haben verdammt Ihren kleinen italienischen- have fun fucking your italian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PRUSSIA IS SO FIN TO WRITE  
> heh  
> I AM A FAN OF ALMOST KISSES IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T FIGURED THAT OUT ALREADY  
> so yup  
> sorrynotsorry  
> also, random taiwan, idk i felt like putting her in there  
> GUYS BUCKLE DOWN FOR SOME HARDCORE WOOING NEXT CHAPTER, ITS A THING ITS HAPPENING


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> well this is quite the mash up chapter  
> we've got  
> jealousy (omf mattie gets angry instead of sad!!)  
> FLUFF THAT WHALE ROT YOUR TEETH  
> mattie angst and overthinking out the wazooooooooo  
> rooomaaance  
> and FEELS  
> oh and just a splash of sexual tension.

I, Canada, Matthew Williams, was confused. I had woken up that morning, in a foreign house, in a strange bed, and yet felt perfectly at ease. Normally, I didn't like change. I didn't adapt well to it, I'm kind of stuck in my ways. And yet here I was, in Gil's arms, completely content. 

_What is happening to me?_

_I mean, I know I've been having non-platonic feelings for him, but I figured they were just a crush. And that there was no way he'd return them (and I still have my doubts)._

_But, this is deeper._

_This is more than just a simple crush, a lot more._

_It's scary_

_I don't know how to deal with this, I've never felt this way before..._

"Mmm, guten Morgen Birdie," Gil murmured, pulling me closer to him as he woke. 

"Bonjour," I told him, smiling to cover up my uneasiness. He gave me this warm, sleepy grin that seemed to melt my insides into mush. 

"Maple," I muttered under my breath, flushing and burying my face in his chest. I was quite comfortable and we laid there awhile, as I tried not to think of how muscular his chest was and how badly I wanted to run my hands over it and feel his bare skin and-

_Maple._

His hands were in my hear, playing with it. I shivered as he got dangerously close to my curl and he paused for a moment before continuing. I sighed in both relief and disappointment. After a minute, he stopped stroking altogether. I opened my mouth to say something, but Gilbert spoke before I could. 

"Your curl is so cute," he said, and very gently ran a finger along it. I gasped as a wave of heat rolled through me and I rolled off him and onto the floor. 

"G-Gil," I breathed, biting my lip and trying to get hold of myself.

_Maple!_

_Gotta get a grip, c'mon Matt_

He looked down at me, face flushed a bright red and panting slightly, and chuckled. I crossed my arms and tried to look severe.

"Please, don't t-touch there," I stammered out and he nodded. 

"Sure, sure. My bad, sorry Mattie!" he said cheerfully. I took a deep breath, willing my heart to stop pounding. Muttering some things about showering, I grabbed my stuff and absconded to the bathroom.

_Oh, maple!_

Remembering that rush of heat, I sighed and turned the knob towards the blue. 

_A cold shower it is then..._

~~~(pov change)~~~

_So that's what that curl does..._

I grinned mischievously. 

_I just hope that someday I'll be able to explore it more..._  
 _In depth_

"Kesese~" I chuckled to myself, standing up and stretching. 

_Now, to instigate my plan..._

Pulling out paper and a pen, I quickly jotted something down and then slid the note under the bathroom door. 

_Perfect._

~~~(pov change)~~~

I showered quickly, curious to see what the day had in store. I really had no idea what to expect, which was something that kinda bothered me. However, it was with Gil, which helped more than I cared to admit. 

_I worry too much anyways_

I was bending over to put on my socks when I saw it. On the floor by the door was a slip of paper. 

_Where'd this come from? I don't remember seeing it when I came in..._

Picking it up, I unfolded it and read it curiously. 

_**Reasons why you are unforgettable:** _  
_**#1: Your eyes** _

A huge, stupid grin settled on my face and I blushed. 

_Did Gil...?_

_Probably not, it's just wishful thinking._

And yet, I couldn't seem to rid myself of my silly smile as I tucked the note carefully my pocket. And when I walked out of the bathroom, my heart was oddly light and I felt as though I was walking on air.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Kesesese~, I think Gillbird likes you," Gil said, and I jumped, smiling sheepishly.

_I guess I fell asleep..._

"Yea, he seems to like people's hair," I agreed, but Gil shook his head. 

"Nein. He likes awesome people's hair. Actually, you're the only other person whose hair he's nested in. He didn't even do that for Luddy or his perky italian boytoy," he said matter-of-factly. I raised my eyebrows.

"Really?" I asked, surprised. 

"Yup! That means you're really awesome, like me. OF course, I already knew that." My heart beat faster at his words, but I ignored it. 

"Thanks," I said, blushing. He winked (which only made things worse). 

"So, are you hungry?" Gil asked, and I nodded. "Awesome. I konw this great little cafe we can go to, if you want."

"Sure,"  
~~~~~~~~~

I took advantage of the time in the car to get a good look at the city. 

_Wow, it's so beautiful!_

_Gorgeous and different._

I looked over at Gil and smiled. 

_Just like him._

After a moment, my smile melted. For some reason, my head just had to ruin what I felt in my heart. An uneasy feeling crept into the pit of my stomach. 

_Why?_

_Jeez, why can't I just be okay with these feelings? It's obvious he cares too (even if I don't know how much), so why am I so upset? Why can't I just enjoy these feelings, these experiences? I'm so stupid, there must be something just, wrong, with me._

_Of course, I've known that all along..._

And then there was a sharp pain in the side of my head. 

"Ow!"

My accusing glance directed at Gil quickly turned into one of confusion as I saw the concerned look on his face.

"Are they gone?" 

"What?"

"Your bad thoughts."

_How on Earth could he know that?_

"H-how did you, I-I don't-"

"Your eyes," he said, meeting mine. I couldn't quite decipher his expression; his eyes were intense and serious, but his mouth was soft and his face warm. "It's not too difficult to read your emotions from your eyes, especially when you pay attention. And I have certainly paid attention..." His eyes grew darker and more serious. My breath hcaught in my throat and my heart pounded, so loud I could've sworn he could hear it too. But then, I was released from his gaze. He broke eye contact as the red light turned green and he returned his attention to the road. I took a few deep, shuddering breaths, willing myself to calm down. 

_Maple..._

_What was that expression? I couldn't seem to place it_

~~~~~(because I'm too lazy to write in between stuff)~~~~~

"Pretty music," I said awkwardly as we sat in a small booth in a cozy little cafe. 

"Kesese~, don't let him hear you say that, his head's swollen enough as it is!" He looked at the man playing almost, well, fondly. I felt a surge of jealously. He was good-looking, with dark hair, glasses, and (oddly enough) a mole on his face. 

"You know him?" I asked, and he nodded. 

"Yup, and hated every minute of it. The feeling was mutual, and yet somehow we dated for a while? I guess he couldn't resist my awesome, but heaven knows how I was with him, he's soooo not awesome and Gillbird haated him! Made me suspicious of pianists too," My face fell at his words. 

_Typical._

"Oh." 

Gil frowned, trying to understand why I was sad all of a sudden. However,before he could say anything, our waitress came back and handed me a napkin. On it, read the words, 

_**#2: Your kickass pancakes** _

I smiled at that. It was a small smile, but still visible. I looked up to see Gil's ex get up from the piano and take a seat at a table a good distance away. I stood up, suddenly feeling an urge tot make him guilty for what he'd said. I ignored his confused look and strode over to the piano and sat myself down on the bench. HIs confused look melted into one of understanding.

"I'm sorry," he mouthed, but I ignored him. Instead, I lifted my hands to the keys and didn't think, just played. Out of my fingers a melody wrote itself; sad and haunting, and yet there were tinges of hope still lingering. I poured all of my chaos and conflicted feelings into the music. Tranquility settled over to me as my hands flowed swiftly over the keys. 

I had never been very good at playing specific pieces, but I had always had the talent of being able to sit at a piano and just let my emotions come out into the music. 

_I forgot how good this feels, I'll have to get out my piano at home again._

_I wonder if Gil would like me to play for him-_

_Gil..._

And then I remembered my earlier confusion. Lifting my hands from the keys, the room became silent, save some quiet applause. I flushed and returned to my seat, refusing to meet his eyes as I dug into my (recently delivered) food. He left me alone for a minute before piping up, 

"I-"

"Save it." He sighed, but did as instructed. As soon as I finished, I got up and went to the bathroom without another word. When I came back out, his ex was sitting in my place and they were laughing. 

_They must be catching up_

I tried to suppress the wave of anger and hurt that rolled through me, but then Gil leaned over, smiling hugely, and whispered something in his ear. 

_That was the last straw._

I stormed out of the cafe, angry (and hurt) tears springing to my eyes. I rubbed them away roughly and sped up when I heard someone behind me. 

_It's probably not him._

_I don't want it to be him._

Eventually I slowed down, too tired to run anymore. I sat down on a bench to catch my breath. I heard him sit next to me, but I refused to react. 

"Do you know why I brought you to that cafe?"

I said nothing. 

"I brought you there because it's cozy and the food is delicious and also because of my old friend Roderick who always goes there to play with his very steady boyfriend Vash." 

I stiffened, and he sighed. 

"I wanted you to meet him. I thought he'd be impressed by you and I also wanted to show off. He told me that I'd never find anyone with real taste other than him who'd tolerate me. Mostly, I just wanted you to see that lots of people like you and see your awesomeness, not just me." 

Gillbird landed on my shoulder and chirped. 

"Gillbird too!"

I smiled at that and petted the little bird. When I stopped, he flew up and settled in my hair. I looked over at Gil, then wrapped my arms around him. He held me tight and smelled like sage, sharp and real and good. 

"I'm sorry," I said, "and thank you."

"Why are you sorry?"

"I'm sorry that I acted that way, and stormed off. It was uncalled for, and you didn't deserve it. I've just been... confused today, and had a lot on my mind," I answered. I glanced up and his expression was gentle, and yet his eyes ere hard and dark. 

_That expression is going to drive me nuts_

_...in more ways than one_

We walked back to the cafe to get the car (Gil had already paid). As it came into view, Gil groaned. My eyes widened.  
“Really?” I heard him mutter. On the windshield was a message written out in ketchup.

_**#3: Your music** _

I smiled widely and patted Gil on the shoulder. 

“Sorry about that,” I said, and he shook his head.

“It’s not your fault Mattie, don’t worry about it!” He grinned as we got in the car. 

“So, what now?” I asked as we drove away from the café. He shrugged. 

“Well, there’s a parade today, it’s supposed to be pretty awesome! Do you wanna check it out?” He looked at me curiously, and I nodded. 

“Sure, sounds fun,” I said, smiling. 

~~~(timeskip)~~~

_wow this is loud_

_I never realized just how much noise parades make…_

We were standing in the street, watching floats go by. It was actually pretty fun, and I enjoyed the distraction it lent me. Gil was holding my hand, as he had grabbed it earlier so as not to “lose me in the crowd”. I smiled. He tried to shout something to me, but I couldn’t make it out, and I shrugged. He seemed to sigh, and then took a hold of my other hand. 

_What is he doing?_

I did nothing as he pulled me in closer. 

“Dance with me,” He said in my ear. I bit my lip and nodded, blushing. 

A faster song was playing, and I looked at him unsurely. He smiled confidently.  
And then we were moving, dancing to the music. All the world melted away, just his smiling face, his body moving with mine. The music was deafening and everything was hot and sweaty (because it was unusually warm for a day in March) and crowded but it didn’t matter. It was just us, Gilbert leading me, his hands on me in this way that made me dizzy and happy and feel like I was floating. The song ended as he dipped me, his gorgeous face very close to mine. I blushed and he released me after a couple of seconds, reddening as well. I gave Gil a questioning look as the next song started, a slower one. He shrugged. I grinned and grabbed his hand.

_Now it’s my turn…_

I put my hand on his waist and he put his on my shoulder, and my other hand grasped his. Slowly I led us in time with the music, swaying slowly. I had learned how to waltz from Papa France, he had insisted that I know it for an essential tool for wooing women. His hand was warm, and I could feel his heat through his shirt as I hesitantly held his waist. It felt wonderful, really, to dance with him like that, and yet oddly intimate. I was really unused to leading, and it felt strange, yet also kind of nice. I liked the feeling of being in control, it was a refreshing change. Not to mention the feeling of slow dancing with him was heavenly…

_I feel like I’m at a high school dance..._

I giggled at the thought and he looked at me curiously. 

“This makes me think of a high school dance,” I told him, leaning even closer. He chuckled and moved his hand to my back, trapping me when I tried to move away. I blushed and put my head on his shoulder, letting him lead. 

_I see now why these dances are so popular_

_He’s so close…_

_I hope this song never ends_

Unfortunately, it did end. And I didn’t let go, even after it ended, wishing the moment could last longer. He held me for a while before letting me go, meeting my eyes as I flushed. 

“That was fun, Birdie,” he said quietly (the volume had gone down considerably, the parade was over). 

“Yes, it was. Thank you,” I replied shyly. 

_Why am I shy all of a sudden? It’s just Gil_

All of a sudden Gilbird flew up onto my shoulder (I had lost track of him sometime during the parade) with a piece of paper in his mouth.

“Hey there, what’ve you got?” I asked him, and he relinquished it rather easily. 

_**#4: Your looks ;)** _

I blushed and tucked it away before Gilbert noticed. He gave me an odd look and I tensed, expecting him to question me about it. However, he just grinned his normal grin at me and I relaxed, returning it. 

“C’mon, we’ve got stuff to do!” he said, pulling me along. I laughed and practically ran with him back to the car. 

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“You’ll see,” he answered, winking. I blushed and nodded. 

“Alright Mattie, close your eyes,” he ordered after about ten minutes. I looked at him, confused. 

“Uh, why?” I asked and he sighed. 

“Just do it, okay? You’ll see eventually.” 

I sighed and did as he asked, draping a scrap of cloth over my glasses and obstructing my vision. We drove in silence for a while, and every turn caught me off guard.  
Suddenly, the car stopped, and I jumped. 

_Ugh, this is unsettling_

I frowned as I heard the car door open and shut, and then I felt a wave of air rush over me as my door was opened as well.

“C’mon Mattie, up and at ‘em! Many awesome things to do, so little time!” I heard him say as he grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the car. Somehow I avoided hitting my head on the roof of it, and then I was outside again. I inhaled deeply, and there was a familiar scent in the air…

_I know that smell, what is it?_

I stood there for a moment, before Gil put an arm around my shoulders, guiding me forward. We walked in silence for a while, my ears straining for clues to my whereabouts. Unfortunately, there wasn’t many. 

_Although I can’t seem to focus on what’s around me when Gil is so close_

_Mmm, he’s so warm…_

A feeling of comfort rushed over me at the simple, yet comforting touch. I was still confused and in denial about just how much I felt for him, but in that moment I forgot all that and just focused on how safe and happy I felt in his arms. 

“Here we are,” he said suddenly, stopping and pulling off my blindfold. I blinked and squinted at the sudden brightness, and then I was filled with wonder as my eyes adjusted. 

“Are those…?” I asked curiously

“Yup! Awesome maple trees!” He replied cheerfully, seemingly gratified at the awe in my expression. 

I was standing on a trail, surrounded by maple trees. Beside me was a stream, babbling cheerfully along. I smiled hugely. 

“This is…so…” I trailed off, lost for words.

“Awesome?” he offered, and I nodded. 

“Exactly.” 

He grinned at me, and I was captivated by him for a moment. Because no matter how beautiful everything was around me, it couldn’t hold a candle to the beauty of the man in front of me. 

We walked around in that park for what must’ve been hours, laughing and talking about everything from Doctor Who-I am in love with that show because 2 words: David Tennant, but Gil hasn’t seen past season 2 and doesn’t see the appeal, France- his friendship with France is just as odd as it sounds, but they don’t go wild and party as much as their reputation implies; and my memories of him raising me, he had a hard time believing that France acted “all fatherly and shit”. It was wonderful. 

_You’re falling harder for him, Matt. You better be careful._

I frowned. 

_Oh, you know exactly what I mean. He is Prussia, amazing, glorious, gorgeous Prussia. And you’re just Canada. Meek, little, boring Canada. He will leave you in the dust; you will get lost in him and then he will get bored. Bored of you. He’ll break your heart, and leave you all alone. You can’t love him. You cannot love him, he will-_

“Birdie!” I looked back at him, confused, and then promptly fell on my face. 

“Are you okay??” I looked up at him and nodded. He frowned but nodded, helping me to my feet. 

We walked for a while in silence, before something caught my eye. It looked like a message, carved into the tree in front of me. Walking towards it, I took a closer look.

_**#5: Your intelligence** _

My eyes widened, and I smiled. Gil walked up to me and read the message, his expression unreadable. 

“Let’s get you to the car. I’ve got one more thing I want to show you.” 

~~~(pov change)~~~

_Scheiße Scheiße Scheiße_

The day was almost over, and we were nearing the end of my plan. I should’ve been excited. 

_Why am I not excited?_

_The awesome me doesn’t get nervous! Nobody in their right mind would reject this awesomeness!_

Mattie was quiet, his eyes wide with what looked like fear. Not that I could blame him. We were climbing up the side of the water tower, and it was getting kinda high…

But I had done this many, many, times and I knew what I was doing. Besides, the sunset was gorgeous from up there, and it provided the perfect atmosphere for what I was about to do. As we got to the top, Mattie relaxed somewhat, smiling at what I had set up for us.  
I had laid out a quilt with pillows for us to sit on, from which there was a perfect view of the city. There was also a picnic basket full of food, since I figured we’d both be starving. I was right. 

Everything passed in a blur, nerves were pressing on my mind and making it difficult for me to focus. Mattie, being the genius he was, noticed and gave me a curious look. I sighed.

_Well, this is it._

_It’s now or never._

~~~(pov change)~~~

Gil had been quiet all evening, and I was a little unnerved by it. Never had I seen him so serious, and something seemed to weigh on his mind. He had set up a perfect picnic, and had even brought some extra jackets for when the sun had set and things got colder. However, he wasn’t his normal chatty self and an odd silence fell over us. I found it unsettling. 

_I hope he’s alright, he’s not acting normally…_

I gave him a curious look after a while, and he sighed. 

“I have something for you,” he said, pulling out a piece of paper and handing it to me. I unfolded it, and it said:

_**I hope you have had fun today Birdie, I planned it all especially for you. However, I didn’t do it just because I felt like it. I wanted today to be special, because I want to finally get something off my chest. And I’m sorry I’m such a coward, and can’t say it out loud. I just don’t want to mess it up.** _

_**You’ve been getting a list all throughout today, and I must confess that was me. I think it’s not right for you to be unaware of how FUCKING AWESOME you are.** _

_**Because you are so special, amazing, wonderful. You captivate me, I never can tell what you will do or say next. I feel so lucky to be around you, to call myself your friend.** _

_**But that’s not all I want to call myself.** _

_**You see, from the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew.** _

_**I love you, Birdie.** _

_**Do you feel the same?** _

Tears dripped down my cheeks as I read, and when I was finished, my heart sank. 

_You can’t love him._

The thought echoed throughout my skull, torturing me. How I longed to tell him I felt the same, I wanted to so badly I thought I would break. I could feel myself breaking, agonizing over the conflict I felt. 

“I can’t,” I whispered, holding the paper tight to my chest. “God help me, I can’t.” 

My heart felt like it was being ripped into thousands of tiny little pieces. Tears were still falling down my cheeks and my vision blurred. I reached for the ladders that would bring me back down to Earth, I couldn’t stay up there any longer. If I stayed, I would have to see him, see his hurt that I caused, the hurt that was all my fault.  
Nothing was clear, everything was blurred together and all I could think was escape, escape, because maybe if I ran fast enough things wouldn’t hurt so much.

God, I hurt. 

Still clutching the paper, I hit the ground running, blind to anything and everything but getting far, far away. I had no idea where to go or what to do, only that everything was dark and painful and it was my fault. 

_My fault_

“Hey! You there! Stop for a minute, I wanna talk to ya!” I heard someone yell, but I ignored them. 

“Didn’t you hear me?? I said stop!!” They called again, but I kept on going. Unfortunately, when I reached the end of the alleyway I was running through, there was someone there blocking my path. 

“Now, there we go…” said the same voice behind me, and I whirled around. A man stood there, arms crossed and teeth bared. 

“What’s a pretty little thing like you doing out here so late, huh?” he reached for me and I flinched. He chuckled. 

“Aw, we ain’t gonna hurt you,” he soothed, grabbing hold of my wrist and pulling me forward. “Much.” 

And then he punched me and I fell to the ground. My emotional pain was blurred out by my physical pain as they kicked, hit, and punched at me. I held Gil’s note close, and thanked whatever deity that was out there that he wasn’t here, getting hurt alongside me. Distantly, I heard the men spitting out insults. 

“Pathetic,”

“Dirty,”

“Worthless,”

_Pitiful_

_Ugly_

_Disgusting_

And then I heard a yell that turned my blood to ice.

_”BIRDIE!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOOOOOOOOOOOOT  
> man, i love this chapter  
> hella long, and a PAIN to write  
> but also fin  
> im fuckin proud of it too, this is one of the best chapters ive written  
> anyways, THE FEELS  
> i know i suck (but when i was first writing this, i didn't update for a week after this chapter)  
> sorry for all the mattie angst, but also not sorry :P  
> FEEDBACK AND KUDOS ARE APPRESEATED, AS ARE YOU DEAR BEAUTIFUL READER


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some violence except not reely?  
> TITLE RELEVANCE because thats a thing i usually like to do  
> feeeeeeeeeeeeeels

_Did I just…ruin everything?_

I sat there for a moment, dumbstruck, as Mattie read the note and instead of being happy and telling me he loved me too (which is what was supposed to happen) he started to cry and ran away. 

_But why? He all but admitted he’d fallen for me, so why is he acting like this? There must just be something else going on. There has to be._

My heartbreak postponed, I was galvanized into action by the sound of him climbing down from the water tower. 

“Birdie, what are you doing?? Don’t go!” I yelled after him, but of course he didn’t seem to hear me. Sighing, I began to climb down after him. As I finally landed on solid ground I tried calling for him again, but he didn’t hear.

_Or refused to answer…_

I ran after him, heart pounding-and not just from the exertion. He was fast, faster than I would’ve expected, and it took all of my energy to not lose sight of him. Unfortunately, after about 10 minutes of all out sprinting, I did lose track of him. 

“Mattie?!” I yelled out, hoping against hope he would answer. But, of course he didn’t. I wandered around, nearing the really bad part of town. 

_I hope he didn’t go through here_

_I should probably check though, just to make sure_

As I wandered around, I heard the sound of someone yelling. I frowned. Following the sound of voices, I crept towards a dark alleyway. I peered inside and shuddered. 

_Those assholes, they’re not even taking that guy’s money! They’re just beating him up for no reason!!_

_Wait a second, that guy…_

_He looks familiar…_

I slowly tiptoed forward, not wanting to be noticed. The men were yelling insults at him too. 

“Pitiful,” 

“Ugly,”

“Disgusting,”

My expression changed from one of distaste to one of horror as one of the thugs moved and I realized how I knew the man getting beaten up. 

_“BIRDIE!”_

The yell was torn from my lips before I could stop it, and the thugs whirled around. They were dirty, large, and covered in blood. It was the sight of blood, Mattie’s blood, that made me lose it. I didn’t really remember what had happened; I had to ask Mattie later what exactly had taken place in that alley. One minute I saw him there, being beaten, and the next minute I was incredibly sore, standing over several unconscious men. 

“Are you okay? Can you get up?” I rushed forward, and he flinched. 

“I-I,” he started, struggling to stand. He stumbled, and I caught him. 

“Shh, Birdie, it’s okay,” I told him, before picking him up bridal style and starting to walk back to the car. He trembled in my arms.

“Birdie, they’re dumbasses and idiots, please, don’t listen to them. Please, please, don’t believe them. You’re too awesome for that,” I told him sadly, and he just shook his head. I walked in silence for a moment, thinking. 

“You know, I never told you why I started calling you Birdie,” I started, and I saw a hint of curiosity in his eyes. “When I first saw you, you looked so small and sad. You reminded me of a lonely bird, stuck in his cage somewhere high up and away from everyone else. It made me upset, and I decided I wanted to see you fly someday. And then, I got to know you a little bit better, laughed with you, and I realized just how appropriate that name was. Gillbird is probably one of the most important things in my life, along with my bruder. And when I met you, you became just as important. I realized I loved you just as much, if not more than my dear little Gillbird. You’re my birdie and I care for you. Not only have I helped you-or at least I like to think I did-but you helped me as well. After escaping from that fucker Russia’s clutches, I hadn’t felt like myself in such a long, long time. But you brought me back again, made me remember how to have fun and feel normal and happy again. I honestly wasn’t sure if I had ever really escaped from being trapped at Russia’s house. But now I’ve got you, and I am free again. With you, I fly.” 

When I looked down at Mattie again (which took a while, I might’ve been a bit embarrassed after saying all that), he was crying, tears slipping down his cheeks and his eyes wide. Slowly, I reached up and brushed his tears away. 

“Please, don’t cry.”

He raised an eyebrow at that and I chuckled. For a moment, things felt normal between us. Finally we made it to my car and I carefully set him down in the seat. When I got in, I looked over and saw he was asleep. I chuckled and buckled his seatbelt for him, then drove us both home. 

[pov change]

_Ow, everything hurts_

Wincing, I opened my eyes and looked around. I was laying on Gil’s bed, and sunlight was streaming in through the windows. However, I didn’t see him anywhere around. Slowly, I sat up and stretched, making a face at all the sore spots I had acquired. Part of me was glad Gil wasn’t here, I needed some time to think. 

I think I’ll take a shower, then look for Gil and have a talk

And so I did just that. The shower helped soothe some of the tension in my battered body, which felt nice, and I got some time to think. 

_I love him. And you know what, I’m tired of denying it. I am in love with Gilbert, and he means the world to me._

Stepping out of the shower, I dried off and got dressed hurriedly. When I walked downstairs, I heard noises in the kitchen. I peeked inside and found Gil there, frying eggs and wurst. He had an apron on that said ”KISS ZE COOK, and it was rather attractive. In an odd, housewife sort of way. Gil honestly couldn’t look bad in anything, at least not in my opinion. 

“Hey, Gil?” I walked into the kitchen tentatively, smiling faintly. He looked over at me and smiled, but it wasn’t his usual smile. This smile was a sad imitation of his real smile, and it bothered me. A lot. 

“Oh, hey Mattie. How are you feeling?” he asked, and I shrugged. 

“Not so awesome,” I said, hoping to get a smile out of him. He chuckled faintly, and then his face turned serious again. 

“Hey, I can take you home after breakfast if you want. And, I understand if you don’t want me around anymore.” My mouth opened in shock and I looked over at him incredulously. He didn’t see, however, as his back was towards me, walking away. I grabbed his hand and pulled him around towards me. He avoided my eyes, and I got frustrated, grabbing ahold of his chin and forcing him to look at me.

“Gil, I don’t want you to leave. That’s the last thing I want. What happened last night, well, I didn’t know how to deal with it and you surprised me…” I trailed off uncertainly, but it seemed to do the trick. His eyes widened, and light came back into his eyes and expression. He smiled, really smiled. He stepped forward, cupping my face with his hand and I blushed. Slowly, he leaned forward.

_Is he going to kiss me?_

_Oh, maple_

My eyes widened, and I stepped back nervously. Gil’s eyes darkened. 

“Seriously? I cannot fucking do this anymore, verdammit!” He stormed over to the couch and flopped down, putting his head in his hands. 

“Do what??” I asked, following him over to the couch, worried. He looked up at me and sighed. 

“You are the fucking king of mixed signals, you know that? I am ready to tear my goddamn hair out!!” he said, frustrated. I frowned. 

“Excuse me for having issues, but then again you knew that! It’s not like you’re going to die or anything, why does it have to be such a huge deal??” I replied, starting to get angry. Gil seemed to do the same, as he stood up and got in my face. 

“This isn’t some fucking crush I can ignore anymore!! You’ve given me hope and then snatched it away, lifted me up and then sent me crashing down to earth again! I cannot take it much longer, mein got!!!” 

I was pissed. Incredibly *mapleing* pissed. So really, I can’t explain what happened next. I certainly was glad it happened though... 

“Fine, you can’t take it? Neither can I.” I said, and then grabbed his collar and smashed our lips together. Kissing Gil was hot and wet and perfect, and I couldn’t get enough. It was rough and messy and I loved it. His lips were so soft, and I never wanted it to end. When we broke apart for air, we were both panting, and Gil’s eyes were dark and smoldering. 

“Mein Gott, Birdie!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMF ITS DONE  
> mostly  
> so, i kinda furgot my otter fics in working on this one, so im taking a break from it. I WHALE WRITE AN EPILOGUE  
> just not at the moment.   
> i mostly just hate this ending, nyeh  
> idk how do i end  
> how do i make them kiss  
> but yup, this is it guys!!!!!!!!!!!  
> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING ALL OF THIS YOU GUYS ROCK MY SOCKS STRAIGHT OFF


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> welp  
> its the long awaited epilogue!!!!!  
> i'm so sorry it took such a long time but, here it is!  
> i like to think my writing style improved some, so...  
> yeah!!  
> here ya go guys, with all my love  
> (in case you havent noticed, i live for tying things back to the title, bcuz im a sap)  
> (come at me bro)

My name is Matthew Williams. I am known by many other things, however.

_Mattieu._

_Mat._

_Mattie._

_Birdie._

It's been almost two years since my life changed.  
A year since he showed up, loud and obnoxious, and uprooting my world in his wake. A year since he told me he loved me, and I tried to believe him. A lot has changed since then. I have changed. I have learned to love him truly, without being afraid. Our relationship hasn't been easy, I'm not going to say it was or pretend it was a fairy tale ending. But, he's still here. After everything, he's still here, by my side, supporting me. He has told me that I'm beautiful, when I'm at my worst, and when I'm at my best. We've laughed together, talked together, gotten to know each other. He knows my faults, my fears. And he loves me still.  
How do I know?  
He tells me every day. If not with words, then with his actions. He tells me when he kisses me good morning, despite our mutual morning breath. He tells me when he gets up and makes me breakfast for once. He tells me when he loudly reminds anyone and everyone exactly who I am, if they've forgotten. He tells me when he finds me, sobbing and shaking and at rock bottom, and holds me close. 

If that's not love, I don't know what is. 

I love him, too. 

Gilbert Beilschmidt. 

He saved my life, and captured my heart. I owe him so much. 

~~~[pov change]~~~

"Birdie, where are you taking me??!! This is soooo not awesome!!!!" 

"It's a surprise, Gil! Be patient!" 

I sighed heavily, crossing my arms. 

"This isn't awesome," I grumble, and Mattie smacks me on the side of the head. 

_How did I get into this situation?_

Well, I suppose it started with Mattie pulling me to the car, sticking a blindfold on me, and telling me he had a surprise for me. He's stronger than he looks...  
There is silence in the car, and I can feel tension coming from Mattie. I frown slightly, wondering what on earth he could be surprising me with. Finally, the car slows to a stop. I reach for the blindfold, only to have my hand slapped away. I smirk, and wait as he gets out of the car and walks around to help me out. I take his hand and follow him as he guides me. We stop much quicker than I expected, and he removes my blindfold. 

We are at the water tower. That same water tower, in which I confessed and he...rejected me. I shot him a curious look, and he just shook his head. He started climbing, and I followed closely behind. When we reached the top, I walk to the edge and just look. 

"We made it just in time for the sunset, Birdie. This is...awesome." My voice is filled with wonder as I gaze out at the sky, filled like a canvas with brushstrokes of orange, red, pink, and blue. Mattie walks over to me, and takes my hand. I turn to smile at him, and he smiles back, but it doesn't reach his eyes. I lift my other hand to stroke his face, mine showing concern. He takes a deep breath, and faces me squarely, taking my other hand. 

"I-I have...something to say." 

My heart stops. 

_Scheiße_

_Please don't be bad, please don't be bad, please don't be bad..._

I nod, swallowing hard, and he smiles wryly. 

"I've thought about this for a long time, and have thought a lot about what I want to say. I thought about writing some long, beautiful speech, but..."  
His voice cracks, and he makes a face. 

"Maple, this is difficult." I squeeze his hands and he sighs deeply. "Gil, I love you. More than you know, more than I have loved anything in my life. You have brought me happiness when I thought I would never be able to smile again, let alone have a reason to. You have stuck with me, through the thick and the thin, through the good times and the bad. You have helped build me up, reminded me of who I am, and told me that I am beautiful when I most certainly am not."

I open my mouth to protest, and he gives me a look. I chuckle lightly, and he smiles the first genuine smile I had seen so far tonight. 

"You are truly awesome. I am privileged to have you with me, to call you mine. Even with your horrible morning breath kisses and your loud nagging and your tactless comments and your occasional bad attitude," he chuckles at my mock offended face, and I grin. 

"You are beautiful. You are strong, and brave, and smart, and gorgeous, and everything I want. You are the love of my life, my morning star, the maple syrup to my pancakes."

I didn't have words. I couldn't think, couldn't speak. Tears were running down both of our faces. 

And then...

He got down on one knee.

_Mein gott._

"I'm so glad to be yours. I want to be yours forever, to be your Birdie, always." He looks up, and sees the clear incredulity in my face. "You may ask yourself why, and I'll tell you. You make me laugh, brought back my smile. You've helped me piece my heart together, and have saved my life in more ways than one."

"I want to be your Birdie forever, because with you, I fly." 

His voice cracks, and he stops for a moment. I'm rendered completely mute, unable to tear my eyes away from him. 

"Gilbert Beilschmidt, the great and awesome country of Prussia," 

_Holy shit is that a box_

_Oh god thats a box_

_Fuck me he's opening it and theres rings inside holy fucking shit_

"Will you marry me?" 

I can't say yes fast enough. He puts the ring on my finger, and it feels so...right. I take the one for him in trembling fingers, and place it on his hand. They both fit perfectly. I crush him into an embrace, burying my face into his shoulder. I can feel him holding me just as tightly, and I smile.

"Only you could reduce me to such a crying, unawesome mess," I say into his shoulder. I can feel him chuckle slightly. 

"You're never unawesome, Gil." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
My name is Gilbert Beilschmidt, the awesome and former nation of Prussia. I am happier than I have been in a long time (if ever). It all started on a cold night almost two years ago, my life changed irreparably. However, I wouldn't want it any other way. I am deeply in love, and engaged to the man of my dreams. 

Now, don't go expecting some fairy tale ending, "and they lived happily ever after" and all that bullshit. I'm too awesome for those cliches, and they're not really true.  
Things haven't been easy, and they never really will be easy. That's life, and anything worth something. However, that being said, I am happy. I have Mattie, my love, my life, and that's all that really matters.

With him, I know I can take on anything. 

With you, Birdie, I can fly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well  
> its been a while since i've revisited this fic...  
> but yknow i thought it needed that epilogue i promised  
> (that and some lovely comment made me remember aboat it)  
> its both depressing and uplifting to reread this old fic, its a...unique experience, I must say  
> anyways  
> here, have some fluff  
> like jeez louise  
> its not even proper fluff, because i'm feeling angsty  
> i must apologize  
> thank you, readers, for sticking with me on this fic, i appreciate you guys sooooo much!!!


End file.
